Where I'm Headed
by HuistarZ
Summary: A girl finds herself trapped in her sadness and bitterness as she comes to terms with her unusual powers. How she deals with it is the only path she has for her future.


She was unable to control the tears, the hot tears that just flowed down her cheeks onto her wrists as she cupped her head in her hands and thought of her life. Not the ordinary life of a seventeen year old for sure. She was a _mutant_, yeah, a freak. People called her Creeper Veins and Grass hands and she would just walk by wishing for once that she had a hearing impediment.

****

1998, December 5th, California

It was Sarah Hui Lee's fifteenth birthday and it was going to be a special one. Her mum had spent half the day cooking like a master chef and her dad and brother, they too were busy hanging streamers and banners all around the house. Sarah gazed in happiness. She was so excited. It was her first major party and this time all the popular kids would be coming, especially someone. James Parker, the man of her dreams. 

It has taken only four miraculous months for Sarah to work her way through Cape High from mere Asian student to part of "Da Group" as well as the heart, or so she hoped, of James Parker. "He is the cutie of the century,' she always told everyone as she thought of him day and night.

Then, she heard lots of people chattering noisily outside. It was them! She sprang out of her room and ran to the barbecue pit. "Hey guys!" she called waving happily.

Sarah had started sobbing again. She felt someone enter but she didn't bother to turn around. _"Don't be afraid or sad, we are all here to help you_," said the calm yet strong voice. 'Thanks,' she whispered. Then she smiled. She could even see the Professor smile too. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all but the past, the unforgettable past…

****

"Welcome! Hi! Thanks!" Sarah had to recite these three words over and over again with all the excitement. "Hey aren't you forgetting something?" a girl asked. "Hi Connie, how could I forget you?" Connie was Sarah's best friend, the one who shot her to popularity. "Happy Birthday, Sarah. He's on his way. I saw him." Sarah smiled and thanked her. Suddenly all the boys started whooping and making funny cheering noises. She walked toward them and punched one of them on the shoulder. "Hey, what's this riot for?" "See for yourself ," the boy replied. A tall seventeen year old boy stepped into the Lee gate. His creamy brown eyes and his beautiful brown hair startled Sarah's heart. 'Oh god, it's him' she thought excitedly. He walked toward smiling a little sheepishly, he gave her a warm hug and whispered, "Happy birthday Sarah." About to faint, Sarah thanked him and went to busy herself with the drinks. The whooping continued.

Sighing heavily, Sarah plopped her head onto her damp pillow. How she missed the freedom of living without the fear of accidentally strangling someone or biting someone to death. Thinking back, it seemed like ages when she could even walk down the street without thinking that people were all staring at her and shunning her. 

"Want to go play pinball downstairs Sarah?" a beautiful girl with dark brown hair streaked with white in the front asked. Sarah hastily wiped her tears and smiled and nodded. The girl was Marie, or better known as Rogue, the eighteen-year-old girl who has the mutant ability to absorb powers and life forces. She and Sarah had hit off straightaway, probably because of the negligible age gap but Sarah was still very uncertain. 

"Hey, you've been crying. Your face is all damp." Rogue asked walking towards her bed. "Nothing's wrong, I just…I just lack sleep that's all." Rogue smiled and said, 

" Look, if you're sad or troubled or anything, I'm always here. Okay? Now, let's go play pinball." Sarah smiled, maybe she could lead the almost impossible normal life. But her past was unshaken.

****

She picked up the tray and occupied herself serving everyone drinks and forgetting that she'd eventually have to serve James as well. As she came to the last glass, he went up to her and said cheekily, "You seem to have forgotten someone." Sarah smiled and shrugged her shoulders, too shy to speak a word. "I really like you, you know." He whispered in her ear. Sarah was tingling with joy and whispered back, "Me too. Here, want a lemonade?" James pushed back her hair and said, "You're really pretty."

Sarah trembled slightly at the thought. James was obviously lying, how could she have been so naïve as to actually like a jerk like him. She hung her head low and she felt Rogue's fully gloved arm place around her shoulders. "Hey, what's up?" She asked. Sarah just shook her head and swallowed back her tears. She turned and looked at Rogue with her tearful eyes. Now, if James wanted to see what a real pretty girl was, Rogue was a classic example. With her deep dark brown eyes, luscious full pink lips and dark hair with the beautiful streaks in front. She was absolutely beautiful.

****

In the kitchen, Sarah was putting back the empty bowls of tacos and refilling the salsa bowl. A hand went round her shoulder and she turned around abruptly. "Oh James, hi." She said absolutely startled. "Hey Sarah. I thought it was time for us to be alone for a while. Sarah grinned a little too happily, "Well, what do you wanna do?" He held her head in his hands and stroked her hair. Sarah brought her face close to his and he brought his near hers. 'This is it," Sarah thought, 'My first kiss with the man of my dreams.' She felt his warm lips press against hers. She felt electricity pass through her. Then, his hands strayed. From her face down to her chest, he was feeling her around and she grabbed his hand. "What are you doing?" Sarah demanded, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Come on, Sarah" he said, "You know how I feel about you. I just wanted to be close to you." He moved forward and Sarah backed away, "Listen James, doesn't mean us liking each other you can feel me up like that okay." James laughed and said, "You think just one kiss is enough? Hey, I've been sleepin' around with many other girls, what's so defensive about just feeling you up?" Sarah was shocked. Her man of her dreams was actually some kind of pubescent sex deprived freak. "I won't let you feel me up James," she said slowly and angrily, "it's not because I'm scared, but I just respect my body and I don't think it's time yet." "You're a prude." James said and walked off, disgusted.

"Hey Sarah! How ya doing?" a kind boyish voice asked. "What? Oh hi, Craig." Sarah replied shyly, "I'm just, um, I'm just off to play pinball. You, wanna come?" Craig smiled and replied cheerfully, "Sure, I've got some time." She looked deep into Craig's eyes. He almost looked like James but he was different. Of course, everyone here was different. In the X-Mansion, you had to be different, or you wouldn't be there.

****

Shaken and disgusted by the whole incident, Sarah swore never to ever think of James again. 'What a jerk.' She thought. 'Okay guys, some more salsa coming up!' she shouted happily, expecting the crowd to stampede towards her. Instead, all of them stepped further away and were whispering into each other and laughing. "What's up everyone? Come on! What's going on?" She heard someone cough and she turned around. It was James with his arms all around Connie, her best friend, and now her ex best friend. Trying to stifle her tears, she said quietly, "Connie, you are such a hypocrite," Then, the tingling sensation came. Not the one when you feel when you're in love. Not the one you feel when you're about to receive a prize. Sarah was beginning to get those tingles again in her fingers. She's had them since she was young and they came as soon as she felt upset or really depressed. They never really hurt, just like, a vibrating sensation in the tips of her fingers. It was affecting just a small part, but yet it was so strong.

"Ooh, nice one Sarah. You're a natural!" Marie cried out as Sarah finished a game with a nice high score. "Yeah, you're a pro." remarked Craig. She looked down at her fingers and sighed. All her life, her fingers were her pride and joy. They were nimble, as quick as lightning. Winning her multiple competitions like needlework and flute playing and all. But now, it was the bane of her life. She rubbed them gently, the tips of her fingers. In fact, her whole body was detestable to her, but it was her fingers that let her down the most.

****

"Connie, I never knew you were like the other popular girls, bitchy and cruel. How could you do this to me?" Sarah asked close to the brink of tears. Laughing and still holding on tight to James, "I don't hang out with prudes missy." And she and the crowd all burst out laughing. Thank god her family was in the house, but Sarah couldn't take the humiliation. She felt her hands shaking as her anger was seething. The laughter swirled around her like a mass of horrifying demons. Sarah was perspiring heavily as she tried to stop her hands from shaking. "Look at her. Coward! Can't stop trembling in front of the cool ones!" someone shouted. 'Control yourself Sarah, you can feel something boiling but don't do anything Sarah.' These thoughts flashed through her mind over and over again as she concentrated to keep her hands still. 

"Are you okay Sarah?" Marie asked, shaking her gently. "Hmm? Yeah. Sure, fine. I'm okay." Sarah replied, not concentrating at all. "I…I need to sit down." Marie led her to a chair and patted her shoulders. "You okay? You seem pretty stressed nowadays. Anything you need to share?" _"Rogue, she's all right, it's only her first few days here. Let her think things through_." Sighing heavily, Marie replied the voice that just spoke to her, "Yes Professor. I won't butt in." Sarah chuckled and Marie turned around. "Glad you're finally able to laugh. What was that all about?" Sarah laughed again and answered, "The Professor must have been snooping around your head huh?" Marie paused, then burst into laughter. "You are one funny girl." Marie remarked happily. Without a reply, Sarah's head drooped again.

"Good evening ladies. How goes the game?" In his remarkable automatic wheelchair, Professor Charles Xavier entered with a wide smile on his face. Sarah looked up, but her eyes were slightly downcast. She still wasn't very confident around the Professor. Somehow she felt that if she gave him full eye contact, he'd start snooping around her thoughts. It was true, the eyes really were the window to your soul.

Just then, Scott Summers came in. With his red visor strapped tightly over his eyes, it almost seemed like there was no way to see his real character, but, obviously, he found some other way. All the other kids at Mutant High loved him. He was a teacher, counsellor, but most of all, he was a friend. "Hey Marie, how ya doing?" Scott asked. "Fine thanks!" Marie replied cheerfully. It was no doubt, he was a hit with all the students. His kind, friendly manner was definitely a plus point with all the children. Even Sarah was no exception. She had often admired him for forgetting his troubling past. It seemed almost impossible to forget something so horrible for her.

****

"Prude! Prude! Prude! Sarah Lee's a prude!" everyone chanted. They sounded like one devilish voice and Sarah couldn't take it. Her fingers were vibrating. She could feel each individual centre of her fingertips have a strong tremor within, as if something were to explode from them. It grew steadily until Sarah began to get scared. An intense amount of pressure was building up within her. It seemed like a mixture of all her past emotions, anger, sadness, insecurity and now, it was erupting. Suddenly, like a burst of light, huge and long wavy green things emerged from her fingertips. They were so green, like vines and had root hairs. They were living things. They seemed to have a mind of their own. They whipped and lashed about like a cowboy lasso. Sarah was unable to control them, they were too strong. But inside, she felt a deep peace gradually growing within as they moved about. The screams of the girls and the frightened shouts of the boys fell on deaf ears as Sarah was finally able to let go of it all.

"Hello Sarah, want to join us for a game?" Sarah was daydreaming and did not stir. Marie walked up and tapped her shoulder,

"Hello? Mars calling earth! Do you, earthling wanna join us for a game of ball downstairs?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry…I didn't hear you. Sure! I'd love to." She smiled sweetly at Marie and she laughed.

"That's the spirit Sarah! I'll race ya!" Marie screamed and they both hollered madly as they raced to the court. Sarah had momentarily forgotten her train of thoughts. But they would soon return to her…

"Go Marie! Run! Run! Hurry! Shoot the damn ball! Yeeessss! Woohoo! Three cheers for Marie!" Sarah was getting hysterical over the game. She had been cheering non-stop the whole time.

"Okay guys! I think we all deserve a break. Great game everyone!" said Scott who was completely pink with all the running and shouting and his face was glistening with sweat. Sarah reached out for a towel and handed it to him. He took it and wiped his hair and face ferociously and heaved a big sigh of relief.

"Thanks, I needed that. This was one of the most vigorous games I have ever played. Man, these kids are really getting better by the day." Smiling, Sarah nodded and answered,

"Yeah, it was pretty intense all right," and she burst out laughing, "I'm perspiring just as much as those kids on the court, all because I've been jumpin' up and down and yellin' my head off." And they both laughed till tears flowed down their cheeks. Scott looked at her and asked,  
"You know, you were so happy cheering and watching the game. That was probably the first time we ever saw you smile. Are you still troubled by something?" Immediately, Sarah's smile faded away. Did he have to remind that she still had a horrid past? She hung her head and was about to cry when she felt Scott's hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, sorry if I've reminded you of anything. I just wanted to help you know." Sarah smiled again.

"That's all right, I mean we're all on the same boat and we're all here to help each other." She placed her head in her hands and started sobbing gently, "But…but it's just so hard to shake it off." Scott out his arm around her and spoke to her gently, " Now, you must remember to be strong and if you need to shake off that past, you should talk to someone, I mean that was how I got rid if mine. I spoke to the Professor almost everyday." Sarah looked up in horror, 

"There's no way I'm going to actually be able to talk to the Professor. You know I'm still a little afraid of him…I can't just, you know, " 

"That's okay, I understand. Now, don't you worry about this. What I mean was that you could talk to anyone of us. There's Jean, Ororo, even Marie." When she looked up, Scott smiled and patted her head. 

"You'll be fine, I promise. Nothing's going to hurt you anymore okay? Gotta go. See ya!" Sarah waved and smiled again. Her heart felt light and she was feeling much better. 

Marie and Craig were in the hall watching television when Sarah popped over and sank herself into a seat next to Marie. She suddenly grabbed Sarah's hands and held in her own gloved hands. 

"Sarah, one of the important things that we have to learn in Mutant High is to be able to control our powers. Are you able to?" Sarah jerked her hand away violently and stared at Marie, puzzled.

"What do you mean by that?" Marie sighed and scratched her head. 

"I don't know how to explain it to you it's you know um…like um, you know…" 

"Let me try, " Craig said softly. Sarah turned towards Craig, looked in his eyes and internally she wept.

"Is life, going to be so restricted?" she asked, trying to hide her tears. Craig held her hand in his and whispered like a gentle friend,

"Yes, it is going to be hard,' and Sarah began to weep bitterly. Craig cradled her in his arms and stroked her hair, 

"But don't worry, we're all here to make it better, I promise you Sarah. I do." She looked up at him and she felt a calm wave just sweep over her. She smiled. For the first time, in a long time.

"Maybe you're right," she said with new energy, "So, where do I start?"

And her journey began…


End file.
